Narcissus, a beautiful youth in Greek mythology who pines away for love of his own reflection and is then turned into the narcissus flower.

By Michaelangelo

Forgetting things is one of my "trademark"...

This morning, I left home in my penguin suit without my flute!

I have flute lesson at CityMall 600pm this evening and there's no way I can go home after work at 5pm to have enough time to drive home to pick up my flute before driving out again to CityMall to attend the flute lesson...
So, how am I going to have a flute lesson this evening without a flute? How can I be so absent minded? Arrrrrrgh!

Sad... heart breaking... devastating... but I had to accept the truth that my Minolta Dimage Xi has expired.

For more see http://ritzlyn.blogspot.com/2008/10/something-wrong.html

This my my grandmother... on her 99th Year Old Birthday celebration.

During the dinner, the cousins shared fond memories about her on stage...
wrote nice things and wishes for her in a special booklet...
and even performed on stage and sang her favorite songs...

As I sat down there, looking at the crowd...
I thought why was I there?

I really envy the other cousins who have had good memories with grandma...
I just couldn't remember any (if there was indeed any...)
If I were to write anything, it will be a question mark.

I really didn't understand what I did wrong that grandma never been close to us...
I know as a kid, grandma doesn't like my dad... WHY? I always ask... but no answer was ever given to me until one day one aunt revealed to me that my dad "wasn't particularly bright" when he was a boy... what?! And for that, my dad was singled out... including his wife and kids? What kind of a loving woman was that?

As I read the sharing written by other cousins, how a God loving woman my grandma was (she makes them coffee and biscuits), how she always tell them to be filial sons and daughters, to study hard, to read the bible, to go to church... I just can't get rid of the things that she did and said to our family...

Now you know why I felt so out of place... is this the same grandma we have?

Grandma is old and frail now, it would be almost cruel for me to hold any grudges against her...
and seriously, I don't... not anymore. I just feel so sad that I couldn't share any of the loving kindness my other cousins had with her!

I so wish I could say some nice things about her....
she is, the only grandma I had (as my mother's mother passed away before mom got married)...
and I am still trying to remember if ever, there were a point in time, when we had good time together...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Once upon a time...
I worked as an editor... like this!

This is a photo taken from the window of the office of a friend of mine working in Singapore!

Breathe taking isn't it... who would ever want to quit a job like that? Who in the right mind?!

I'd die to work there... but it's just too bad, Singapore is a Forbidden City to me.
(I tried and even got humiliated for asking)...
I have no access to the country because I am not "elite" enough to the Singapore  Law Society.

I can't practice as a lawyer there because my degree in law is an external one...
(they don't care if you took an external degree coz you are poor, if you are poor you are expected to excel and get scholarship... they don't care also scholarship also not easy to get in Malaysia)
The SLS only accept lawyers either graduated from overseas (and certain U only)... or
local graduates of the esteemed National University of Singapore or the Malaysian's University Malaya (which was once their sister university before the "big split").

Anyway, since Singapore is a "see no touch"... I had to accept the reality and do my best in my humber office... with this view:

Hahaha!

I don't know what has got into me...
maybe it's the work, maybe it's the weather...
or maybe it's the rampant crime news from newspaper...

It's been so difficult to feel joyful lately!

So what's "emotionally tired" a friend asked me what I told her so...

"It's like I have to "make an effort" to feel happy...
and yet, I just can't!", I explained.

"Maybe you should go somewhere this weekend, Monday is public holiday day...", my friend suggested.

... I don't know where to go, and I don't have any friends to go with me!

Mmm... maybe I should just bring my parents out for a meal somewhere... :)

And to go somewhere with a view... maybe Kokol restaurant? Hmm... expensive wor that place...

Mmm...

It's my birthday today... and I purposely chose this "auspicious day" to go to the dentist so that I have a reason to take leave from work!

It's been two years since "I don't work on my birthday!"
Last couple of years my birthday falls in the period while I was still chambering so I HAD TO work on my birthdays (as pupils are not allowed any break in between their chambering period).

This year is my first birthday as a "lawyer"... but I felt a bit ambarrasing to tell people I'm not working because it's my birthday... so I took "having to see the dentist" as an excuse.

Anyway, back to the dentist... which I went for my scaling

I initially wanted to go to Michael Heng's clinic... but this "most popular expensive dentist in town" has been "fully booked for the entire week" so I just go to the nearest clinic near my village: Dr Patricia.

I'm useless when it comes to pain and as I remembered Rev Stephen Tong commented that many dentist play Mendelsohn's "On Wings of Song" in the clinic to ease their patients' pain,  before I go to the dentist, I downloaded the music into my Creative MuVo Slim...

I had the music played repeatedly through the scaling ordeal!

I think the music did help... even though I still felt the sourish tinkling... it was not as unbearable compared to my last scaling.

The ordeal lasted about an hour... but it didn't felt like forever like the last one.

My ordeal ended with the one of the most ridiculous thing in the world:
after being tortured by the dentist you have to pay her.

And this time, it cost me RM100.
I had to take out the cash from my Ang Pao because they don't take credit card! Sigh!

The other day, one of the partners asked if I'd be interested to join ex TT school mates gathering or function... I told him I've not set my foot back on the school yard since I last visited the school back in early 90's

"Why?"

"Something bad has happened to me back then..."

"May I know what..." another senior asked

"It was a long story... something to do with the school principal"

"Lau?"

"Yes..."

Then I was persuaded to tell the harsh treatment I received when I asked the principal to sign my scholarship application form (how he said he would not recommend a student with such results and refused to sign the form)... and how I still managed to get the scholarship despite his refusal!

"You must read the bible and learn to forgive..."

"That's long time ago, forgive him la, he's not even the school principal anymore" \

"I can forgive but I can't forget!", I exclaimed stubbornly!

May this be a lesson to those in the education... don't ever look down on your own students... because you will never know one day you may need the student's contribute, no matter how lousy her results might be when she left the school.*

PS:
my SPM results that time was not that bad (I passed all subjects with credit)...
although it should have been better... especially my BM and Eng which is a big dissappointment to me then... but if the principal has taken the effort to look at my school results compared to SPM, he would have realised my SPM results did not reflect my true capability at all!

A friend emailed this to me:

waiting anxiously by the door step for dad to feed them...

That's me in Purple (what else?) sitted in the front row, beside my grandfather.

Grandfather passed away when I was too little to understand much...
I still have bits of the memory of the funeral...
I remember having to wear a pair new slippers (why? I don't really know)
I remember given a white handkerchief...
I remember grandmother crying at the funeral service
I remember the big bus that took us from the church to the graveyard...

I miss Grandfather because, from the stories I hear from my mom dad, he's a good person.
but I scarcely know him... how did he come from China,
how did he get the land where my father build a house that I'm staying now...
how did he start operating a rock quarry...

I yearn to learn more about him but... there's no one to tell me much!

I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.

He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.

He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again.

He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.

Amen.

Over the years, the Aposle's Creed has been "chanted" in the church so many times...
most of the times, we just regurgitate it as if unconsciously...
never bothered about the true meaning, or its origin!

Today, I learned from the Wikipedia that:

The name of the Creed comes from the fact that, being composed of twelve articles, it was earlier believed to have been written by the Twelve Apostles, each of whom was supposed to have contributed an article under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit after Pentecost.\

The theological specifics of this creed appear to have been originally formulated as a refutation of Gnosticism, an early heresy. This can be seen in almost every phrase. For example, the creed states that Christ was born and suffered and died on the cross. This seems to be a statement directly against the heretical teaching, which states that Christ only appeared to become man, and that he did not truly suffer and die, but only appeared as if he did. The Apostles' Creed, as well as other baptismal creeds, was esteemed as an example of the apostles' teachings, and defended the Gospel of Christ.

On a TGIF day... a collegue in the firm asked me, "hey what's going on for your weekends?"

"oh I was hoping to finally get to watch Pirates of Caribbean..."

"oh? where are you gonna watch the movie?"

"probably at centre point as my friends prefer watching the movie there"

"but that cinema always crowded..."

"izzit? but all my friends seems to prefer the cineplex there..."

... ... .... ... ... ... ...

For your information, since I was back in my home town,
I have actually ONLY ONE friend that would go movie with me!

I'm not sure if I have lied here...
as "all my friends" seems to suggest that I have more than one friend...

SIGH... I'm so pathetic!

Mimi and MeowMeow... how I missed them!

I wish I could have cats again...

Arrrrrrrgh... how I long for a Siamese...

My new year resolution for 2007:

First of all, to slim down to 50KG!
Gosh... that was my last year's resolution.
But instead of losing 5 kg from 55 to 50KG,
I am now 60KG, gaining 5KG!
So next year, I had to lose 10KG, 20 pounds!
It'll be so difficult to lose weight when I'm home...
with home cooked meals and all day astro without exercise!
I hope to be able to to make some time to swim after work in KK.

Secondly, I'd like to take up piano lessons again.
The "play by feel" course I came across the other day at Giant sounds interesting...
I hope to be able to play for the church by end of the year...
and then move on to other musical instruments like guitar and flute.

Thirdly, I'd take up some church choir activities...
joining the church choir and
if my piano skills improved, 
I'd like to organise and lead a children church choir!

Lastly, I know work will not get me anywhere next year...
as I'd still be a pupil and a fresh lawyer even if I decide to practice,
but I'd hope to at least start depositing some cash into my EPF account
which has been idle for 2 years by Feb 2007!
Hopefully, I could save enough money for a tour to Hong Kong by end of 2007.